The Holiday season is in full swing, and that can mean only one thing: the World Junior Hockey Championship is right around the corner. The tournament, featuring the best players in the world under 20 years old, begins on Boxing Day with Canada taking on Russia. One would assume the other teams are also playing, but let’s face it, as far as TSN is concerned those games only exist as thirty second highlight packages to fill time during the intermissions of Canada’s games. In the spirit of drinking entirely too much egg nog and vomiting all over the suddenly hip ugly sweater your grandmother knit for you, Fuhr and Loathing is proud to present the World Junior Hockey Championship Drinking Game.*
*DISCLAIMER: The World Junior Hockey Championship Drinking Game should not be played by anyone, ever, because it will probably kill you.
- When Team Canada scores a goal, drink twice.
- If Canada’s opponent scores a goal, finish your drink. Don’t worry, this will only happen five or six times all tournament.
- When Team Canada goes on the power play, drink.
- When Canada’s opponent goes on the power play… oh why bother, it’s not like they’re going to do anything with it anyway.
- When one of the commentators tells the audience which CHL team a Canadian player plays for, drink. Make sure you’ve got plenty of booze, as this will happen roughly a hundred times per game.
- When one of the commentators tells the audience which NHL team a Canadian player was drafted by (or that Sean Coutourier is the only Canadian player eligible for the draft), drink. This will happen a lot, so make sure you’re prepared: vomit buckets are your friend.
- When Pierre McGuire fawns over a Canadian player, drink.
- When Pierre McGuire says about a Canadian player “he really gets it”, or a variation on that player “getting it”, finish your drink twice. If you’re still conscious by the end of the period, you deserve a medal. And should really consider seeking medical attention.
- Whenever Pierre McGuire mentions the Canadian team from the WJHC in Grand Forks, North Dakota, finish your drink.
- When a non-Canadian player is discussed, drink until you care.